The Subtle Work of Being Better

Hey guys, it’s me again.
I’ve got something I think might resonate with a few of you.

But before I get into this post, I want to call something out.

Facebook posts perform better when accompanied by an image. I’ve known this for a while. And, as silly as it sounds, I’ve let that keep me from sharing the things on my heart.

Said another way: If I don’t have a good photo to post, I don’t post anything.

That’s dumb.

I’m not here for the “likes” anymore (even though my monkey brain may try to convince me otherwise).

Read or don’t read.

Here goes:

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I’ve been noticing something about myself lately.

It’s not flattering—but it’s honest.

Sometimes, I’m one of the most critical people I know.

I can make it sound reasonable—like it’s just “being honest” or “having high standards.” But deep down, I know what’s really going on.

Judgment tricks me into thinking I’m in control.

It’s like a shortcut my ego takes so it doesn’t have to do the hard work of growth.

It lets me slap labels on people without doing the uncomfortable work of asking questions—or turning the mirror back on myself.

Let me give you an example.

A while back, I caught myself getting irritated at one of my kids for being overly emotional. They were overwhelmed. Crying about something small.

My first instinct? Get frustrated.

My second instinct? Fix it.

But in that moment—thanks to my wife, who has the wisdom of ten lifetimes—I slowed down. I listened.

And I realized what was really bothering me wasn’t their emotion.

It was that I was emotionally tapped out.

I’d been running too hard. Too fast.

My margin was gone—and so was my patience.

It had nothing to do with them.

It had everything to do with me.

I'm going to say that one more time for those in the back:

It had nothing to do with them.

It had everything to do with me.

This happens more than I’d like to admit.

I get irritated when people lack discipline—but it’s often because I’m frustrated with areas where I’m still inconsistent.

I get judgmental when people seem lazy—but sometimes it’s my own exhaustion talking.

I roll my eyes at neediness—but if I’m honest, I crave affirmation more than I care to admit.

You get the idea.

So lately, when judgment starts creeping in, I’ve been asking myself a better question:

“What might this be revealing in me?”

Sometimes the answer is simple.

Sometimes it’s uncomfortable.

But it’s almost always worth paying attention to.

It reminds me of something I wrote a while back:

“If left unchecked, our feelings can result in a lot of missed opportunities and squandered lessons. The older I get, the more I realize life is less about our circumstances and more about the way we respond to them.”

That’s been true in parenting.

It’s been true in marriage.

And it’s especially true when it comes to how I see and treat others.

I’m not saying we should ignore unhealthy behavior or pretend everything’s fine when it’s not.

But I am learning that mercy has more power than judgment ever will.

Judgment distances us.

Mercy invites us closer.

One drives disconnection.

The other creates room for change.

I often think about the kind of man I'm becoming. Not what I’ve done. Not what I’ve built. Just who I am when no one’s watching.

When my kids look back, I hope they don’t say I had all the answers. I hope they say I kept learning. That I listened more than I spoke. That I showed mercy when it was easier to judge.

I hope they say I owned my mistakes. That I stayed when it was hard. That I loved them well.

That’s the kind of legacy I want.

So here’s my simple encouragement for the week:

Next time someone irritates you—pause.

Before you say anything, do anything, or react—just ask:

“What might this be revealing in me?”

You might not like the answer.

But it might be exactly what you need.

We’re all works in progress.

We’re all trying to love well, lead well, and live with purpose.

And if we want to build something that lasts—whether it’s a marriage, a business, or a family legacy—it starts with getting honest about the man (or woman) in the mirror.

No image today.
No algorithm boost.
Just a guy trying to be honest and do better (probably failing at both).

Godspeed.

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